I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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