apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
