The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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