Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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