Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
