Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
