he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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