we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
