One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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