We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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