FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
