I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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