We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My feet surprised me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
