So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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