idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
