plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
