so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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