I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
