Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
