I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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