the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to make out with him forever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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