do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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