I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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