You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
