people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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