I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
