she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
