I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
