If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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