there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
