My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
