Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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