I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
