I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
