I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
