it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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