Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
