we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
