I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
