You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're like a lot better than the average bears
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
