the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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