The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
