Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
