I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
