we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
