I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
