At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
