Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
