Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
