matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
